Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Bev and Roz

Through the thick cloud of cigarette smoke you'll find Bev, a morbidly obese woman who's age is old but not specific. She has an oxygen tank next to her recliner, that doesn't stop her from lighting up another menthol 100. Her lipstick is the same shade she's worn since her early 20's, and, as usual, it's the only make up splayed across her face.

She has a husky laugh as she muses with the celebrity gossip on her television. She gave up on keeping up with the real news when she realized Bill O'Reilly was driving her insane. Her laughter turns into a coughing fit as Roz opens the door.

"I got us another carton." She says as she throws a bag of groceries on the counter. One of their several cats moves out of the way just in time to save himself from being bludgeoned by the heavy canvas tote. Bev labors herself to get out of her recliner, and once out of it, she admires the dent her ginormous rear end has put in the cushion. She waddles to the kitchen to help Roz unload the groceries, but by the time she gets there, Roz has already put away the Ritz crackers and Olive Oil. All that's left of her purchases are the trashy celebrity magazines in the bottom of the tote. Bev snatches them up with the quickness and giggles in delight.

Roz smiles as she sees she's brought a smile to her best friend's face. As Bev waddles back to her chair and her remote control, Roz pours herself her fifth glass of wine for the day. She opens her pill box and muses how her medications interact with her wine selection perfectly. Within half an hour, she'll be on cloud nine. She floats into the living room, her delicate frame (made more delicate with the addition of osteoporosis) cushioning itself against a tacky, animal print, throw pillow.

They spend their evening chain smoking, drinking wine, and gossiping about people they don't know. When they both pass out without leaving their perspective spots in front of the television, their dreams collide with one another.

They are young again, and like now, they are outcast from society. They're at a school dance, and Roz is spiking the punch while Bev dances with other girls' boyfriends. By the end of the night they're kicked out and giggling at their own morbid jokes while sharing a smoke behind the bleachers. They form a master plan and when the DJ announces "Last Dance" they turn on the hose and spray their classmates in their formal dresses. Together they cackle loudly.

The morning light stirs the cats' hungry stomachs, but Bev and Roz don't move. Their friendship has lasted to the end, and their retirement plan served them well.


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