Monday, May 30, 2011
Friday, May 27, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
She walks. And although she's out of breath and her side hurts, she continues to walk. Her rapid pulse thumps in her ears and her sweat drips down her neck. A cool breeze wafts through and it cools the paths of sweat on her face. Her smile shows appreciation to Mother Nature for this simple gift.
She only halts when her path changes. She stops and thinks to herself, "Will I be able to return on this same path when I come back? Will I get lost, or give up? Or will there be no turning back?"
Usually she silences these seeds of self doubt and trudges on in spite of them. If the down slope is steep she simply tells herself she'll work extra hard to climb back up it upon her return... if she ever returns. She's been walking for a while now and hasn't turned around yet.
She glances back to see how far she's come. She can't even see where she started. This makes her smile but it also strikes fear into her heart. She fears that she's truly alone in this. She fears her path was only made for her to trudge through... that nobody else will ever join her.
She fantasizes as she walks. After all it's just her, her heavy breath, her sweat, her pulse, and her thoughts on this journey. Those thoughts are her only companion, though she secretly longs for a real companion. When others ask her about it, she shrugs and says she enjoys her time alone. In reality, she'd enjoy it a lot more if it weren't a solitary trudge but rather a lazy stroll while holding somebody else's hand. The progression of this thought always leads to the same place... thoughts of the one who once did that very thing with her... lazy stroll, hand in hand.
Her thoughts dictate her speed. As she thinks of him she goes faster. She may even break into a light jog as she tries to outpace the memory. She can't out run his memory, though. He steals into her mind whenever he damn well feels like it. His laugh. His quirky sense of humor. His... everything. It all reminds her. And, even though she doesn't think about him all the time, when she does think about him he's all she can think about. Eventually the thoughts turn dark as she recalls how he left. Then she remembers how he stayed gone... and now she has to pretend she's okay with it. She's not. Her sweat blends with her tears as she struggles to keep some composure.
She walks until she’s no longer in the city, the town, the village where she lives. She's on a country road and there isn't a house for miles. She finds a patch of trees and she seeks shelter in their shade. The breeze blows as she sits on a large rock. Finally she's found enough solitude so she can cry. She does. She heaves a heavy sob until her strength is depleted and she can sob no more.
When she's done she stands up, stretches, and decides to keep walking. Where to? Nobody, not even she, herself, knows.