Saturday, December 29, 2012

Last Post

I realize it's been longer than a year since my last post.  In blog world this probably means that my post will go unnoticed.  I'm sure my loyal followers aren't THAT loyal.  Anyway, it doesn't matter... because this will probably be my last post on this blog.

In the last year my little world has gone through some major overhauling. I suppose the most prominent thing... the most noticeable thing... that has taken place is the passing of my grandmother.  All year long she'd been complaining about pain in her abdomen. It wasn't until late May and early June that the doctors really started paying attention to her complaints.  By then they knew it was cancer and there wasn't much to be done.  She was diagnosed in early July and she died on Halloween.

It was a difficult time.  I lived with her; therefore I took care of her.  Towards the end it became too difficult to take care of her in the home.  As much as I wanted her to stay here with us and die in the comfort of her own home, we had to put her in a nursing home. The last month of her life was lived from a bed in a room with a total stranger for a roommate.  I felt so bad for her, but at least the staff there made her as comfortable as possible in her time of need.

I wrote and gave the eulogy. It was difficult to get through, but I managed. I have visited the grave a few times already, and I wear her locket when I feel like I want to be close to her. I'm still going through the grieving process.  I'm doing my usual thing of pretending I'm all good when really I'm falling apart on the inside.  Nothing will make me behave any differently, so why try, ya know?

My best friend, Jason, battled and defeated cancer this past year.  He was diagnosed in April. All summer long he dealt with surgeries and procedures.  He can happily say he defeated it, but he isn't without scars.  It, and taking care of grandma, really affected my friendship with him. I think we both buckled under some major stress and, at times, took it out on each other.  We're still good, but I feel like things tend to still be rocky a little bit.

I turned 30.  Unfortunately it happened about a month after Grandma passed away, so I was still fresh off of the loss.  My friends threw me a party and I had a lot of fun.  A few of them got super drunk, while I chose to sip my cocktails all night.  It was a great evening full of laughs, and a lot of new memories were made.

I bid adieu to my biological father. Words were said. Calls have since been ignored.

I'm trying to make strides with my writing.  I'm selling short stories on Kindle now. Bev and Roz are making me a few dollars here and there.  I am their madam, and they are my whores. I don't blog so much (duh), and I've been keeping a personal hand written journal.  I wrote a novel this year, but I haven't finished editing and revising it. I'm going to write another one in January.  I've already started it (shhh).

Other than all that, things for me are the same.  I'm still single.  I'm not ready to mingle.  In fact, I'm trying to move on and get over somebody... still. I have faith I will get over him, though, because I don't think it's meant to happen.  If it were meant to happen, it would have happened by now, right?  Right.

From here I plan on working on my writing, myself, my family and my environment.  There are a lot of things about me that need work and focus right now, so that's what I plan to do.  I will do my best not to get side tracked by all the other distractions in life, and, instead, will work on creating the best me I can create.

Ta-ta Readers.  Perhaps I will live to start another blog someday. Until then, just look for me on Kindle.

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