Santa

I recently asked the children I babysit if they were ready for Santa. The twin 9 year old boys and 11 year old girl all looked at me with a puzzled expression. One of the twins spoke up, saying, "We know he's not real. You don't have to pretend with us." Then I gave him a puzzled expression. Before I could rebut with, "Yes huh he IS real," his twin brother said, "Shut up! She still believes in him!"

It's true... I do. I've believed in the big man since I was a tike sitting on his lap and rambling off my list of Christmas Wishes. When I was around 8 years old, I heard the kids at school talking about how Santa Claus isn't real. Of course I asked my mother about it.

"Of course he's real." She said.

"But the kids at school say that parents are the ones who put the gifts under the tree and eat the cookies and drink the milk."

"The kids at school are wrong."

"But it makes sense. I mean, how can one man get all over the world and visit everybody in one night?"

"Magic."

I will admit that I am quite gullible at times, but even my 8 year old self had a hard time believing this. Especially since all the kids at school were telling me it was a big conspiracy. I decided to save face with my mother and simply pretend to still believe that year. And when I woke up on Christmas morning I made a big production of thanking Santa in order to keep my mother happy. The following year I leveled with her and I told her I knew the truth.

"So, I guess that means you won't be getting as many gifts this year? Santa only brings gifts to children who believe in him."

"Huh?"

"Well, it's simple. If you say you don't believe in him, then he doesn't exist. If he doesn't exist then what's the point in presents?"

Well, I never thought about it like that. She had a point. Like any other child I didn't want a Christmas with no new toys to play with. So, once again I put on an even bigger production of believing in Santa. My plan worked and I didn't get a lump of coal in my stocking.

As the years marched on I made it a point not to question Santa's existence. When my younger step-sister learned the same way I did that "If you want presents, you believe," she, too, shut the hell up.

I guess it is a form of bribery, but really, it isn't. With maturity I understood my mother's motives. She wasn't trying to lie or keep me in the dark. She was simply trying to keep the spirit of gift giving alive. To her, Santa is an invisible force... an anonymous donor of good cheer. He reminds us of the people we love and why we go out of our way to show them how we feel during the holiday season. Plus, he's jolly and surprisingly agile.

Santa takes many forms. He's a Marine collecting new unwrapped toys for children. He's ringing a bell for The Salvation Army outside of the mall. He's an anonymous person paying off layaway tabs at K-mart for total strangers. He's the woman working at the Food Pantry on Christmas Eve. He's inside of each and every one of us. When you least expect it he will show up and make you wonder why you ever doubted his existence at all.

Christmas Music

I've been known to be a Grinch. A Scrooge. A Bah-humbuger, if you will. And this isn't a recent development. I've been this way since my late teens. Something about the Holiday Season gets me down and makes me kind of cranky.

Don't get me wrong, I participate. I shop. I go to Christmas Parties and dinners. I watch Rudolf. I (usually) go to the parade and wave at Santa. I even go to Christmas Eve Church Service... every year I do these things. Yet, somehow, something inside of me wants to fight Christmas.

Let's face it. Nobody likes to go Christmas shopping. Nobody likes those crowds. Personally, I procrastinate on it every year. I can't stand the stupidity that usually accompanies it. Honestly, the best part of Christmas shopping is when I've bought everything on my list and I'm in my car heading home.

And when I'm in my car, my station isn't tuned to any station that plays nothing but holiday jingles. The soft rock station in St. Louis starts exclusively playing Christmas music before Thanksgiving. I'm pretty sure one of the country stations is in on it, too. And all I can say to this is, really? Really? you're playing Christmas music for nearly 2 whole months out of the entire year? NOTHING but Christmas music? Ugh...

I used to like Christmas music. I can remember being a child and happily chanting the words to several Christmas carols. But somewhere along the line I started to overdose on it. For three years in a row (THREE) I had the serious mis-fortune of being in a class which was selected to sing "Oh Christmas Tree" for the Christmas Program. Well, I guess it was only two years. In the third year they tried pulling a fast one and had us sing "O Tannenbaum" instead. Really? Yes. Really.

To this day, if I hear the tune to "Oh Christmas Tree" I want to punch myself in the face. Sometimes I wonder what Christmas music does to other people's memories. Are there people in this world who freak out whenever they hear "O Holy Night"? And if there are people like that, what guarantees do I have that they won't be standing in line next to me when that particular song comes on over the invisible speakers at the mall... while I'm shopping... which I hate to do? I just hope they punch themselves in the face and not me.

Then... with a stroke of brilliance I thought to myself, "What can I do to always ensure I'm singing Christmas music, even though I dislike it so much?" And while this wasn't the entire reason... I joined Choir at a young age. Year after year I spent months singing Christmas music as my extracurricular activity. It was purely voluntary. I overdosed on Christmas music by the age of 17 and I have nobody to blame for it but myself.

There has always been one exception to the rule. Church. On Christmas Eve, when I'm in Church, singing from the hymnal, I love Christmas music. When the lights go low and everybody is holding a candle, singing "Silent Night," it's nothing short of magical. Despite the fact that I'm not religious, even the grumpiest version of myself can recognize breath taking beauty. And if you haven't experienced something that spiritual... I highly suggest you do.

This year hasn't proved to be all together different. I'm skipping over the Christmas stations with haste... as if listening to a few notes of Wham's "Last Christmas" will chip away at my very exterior. Even when there are commercials on the other stations I will only listen to the Christmas if it's Karen Carpenter or Bing Crosby. So, it seems that my usual grumpiness is here, right?

Wrong. I've found another exception to the rule. Television commercials.

Okay, I know it's wrong to be a couch potato and be totally in love with television commercials. But I'm an unemployed writer. So... yeah... I'm a couch potato totally in love with television commercials. My favorites include the Pier One talking accessories, and any new Christmas music. New music includes the one with rap starting out with "I'm gonna get it. I know I'm gonna get it." Then there's the "You'll Never Find My Christmas" one for Target. There's a Hershey commercial that has a mash up of "Carol of the Bells" and "I'll Stop The World to Melt with You." And I love it! I love all of it.

Speaking of mash ups (yeah... totally didn't know that term prior to Glee), Glee had an awesome Christmas episode this year. They even did Wham (snicker). I found myself watching it intently, and then re-watching it, because I dvr'd it.

So... every time I find myself grooving to a Christmas tune I have to ask myself... is it Christmas music I hate? Or is it that I only hate it when it's not subliminally injected into my brain? You know what? I don't know... or even really care to some extent. It's just something I think about.

What's your favorite Christmas song... and why?

Yeah... I totally just laid an essay question on you.